Three Years

3 years. Three years ago today my friends and I stood around together trying to understand what had happened. We cried and told stories. People held me and even during the darkest day of my life I felt so loved. That evening is forever seared into my mind and my heart. The ones who comforted me will forever hold a special place for me.

Suicide is a tragedy like no other. Someone you love has ended their life for reasons you cannot possibly understand. I understood better than most and that is why, three years later, I can say I'm at peace with what happened. I know the how and the why of what my ex-husband did and I consider myself lucky. By understanding his actions I can help others. I've always been very open about his suicide.

People always treat it as a taboo subject but to me that is why it continues to be such a prevalent issue. By talking about suicide and mental illness we humanize it. By creating an environment where suicide isn't stigmatized those who may need help and we will be more able to help those in need.

I have moments where I think I smell his cologne. When I found out "World War Z", a book he read and loved, was being made into a movie it hurt that I couldn't tell him. There are moments when I'm taken back but they are fleeting and for that I am grateful. If there is anything I can take away from his death, it is to never let an opportunity pass you by. If you love someone, tell them. Take that vacation, spend the money, the experience is worth it. Live life and never lose hope that things will get better.

I feel like I should have more to say about all of this but truthfully, I have moved on. I visit his grave once a year. I answer any questions Professor may have but that isn't very often. I've lived through the suicide of a loved one and come out the other side a stronger person.