Memorial Day

For those who haven't been paying attention, last semester I took a class on the History of International Law and War Crimes. It sounds complicated, but really it came down to how the international community has viewed war and how world leaders attempted to prevent it. In my final paper I discussed the transition international law underwent from the Concert of Europe to the United Nations and how drastically the goals have changed from the preservation of state power to the lofty goals of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.  I spent an entire semester discussing war and ways world leaders have tried to prevent it.

What big conclusion have I come to after reading Frank B. Kellogg's War Prevention Policy, "Priestblock 25487: A Memoir of Dachau" by Jean Bernard and countless other primary sources? I have learned that we can only legislate the world we know and that war has taught us many things. From war we've learned we cannot control our weapons. As the German's learned when mustard gas blew back in their faces, weapons take on a life of their own and can just as easily be used against us so we banned chemical warfare. We shouldn't be so quick to think of new ways to kill ourselves. I've learned that hope can be found in the ashes. Countries rebuild, lives are changed, but we move forward. After World War II, the Human Rights Commission made it possible to protect not just the victims of war crimes, but guaranteed basic rights throughout both war and peace times and they did so with the hope that the atrocities they had come to face-to-face with at the Nuremberg trials would never happen again. They sure did aim high. We all know people still suffer, but that doesn't mean we should lay down our swords, not yet.

War is dark and horrible, some would argue a necessary evil. It is sometimes a manipulated tool of international policy and sometimes a righteous sword. For me, Memorial Day isn't just about commemorating the lives lost. It is a moment to consider why we go to war. Why does the young man (or woman) enlist and why does the congressman send him on his way with a vote? There are so many reasons, so many complex issues, but in the end someone chose war and in that moment all of our notions of how the world works have come to a crossroads. War is change.

They called World War I "The Great War" and "The war to end all wars" and yet here we are, a hundred years later and war is as much a reality as ever. I don't have much of an opinion to share, nothing controversial, at least. War is terrible, no one can argue that, but we can learn from it and I hope that as you think about the loved ones lost, you think about what their sacrifice means for you and for the world we live in. Millions of men and women have given their lives for their cause over the years and their sacrifice was noble because it allows us a chance to learn, a chance to be better.

Leave the stroller at home!

I was reading a r/parenting thread about strollers in Disney. I can't believe everyone recommended strollers for kids (some up to 8 years old!). Kevin walks everywhere. I haven't owned a stroller since he was 2 or 3. Maybe I'm a strange parent, but I was taking Kevin on a 3 mile hike when he was 5. He did 10 hour days at Disney without a problem for a week straight. (To be fair, ADHD has its advantages, but still, I conditioned the kid to go the distance)

Then, they were talking about using the stroller to carry stuff. Unless you have a kid under 3, I have no idea what sort of "essentials" you think you need in Disney. I took a small purse, had any purchases sent to my room and happily wandered, unburdened, the entire vacation.

If you let your kids be lazy, they will continue being lazy. They can walk, I swear. You don't need a mountain of stuff in the park. Leave it in your room, you won't need it.

The Questions Left Unanswered

A friend of the family died recently, a wonderful young man who had struggled for quite a long time. At 22 years old, he took his own life. This isn't the first time suicide has intruded on my life. My ex-husband died when he was 23. It will be 4 years in two weeks. No matter how well I've dealt with it, the wound has been freshly rent, growing wider with this new grief. It  made me surprisingly angry at first. Why has this terrible tragedy come back into my life? Why should such a kind and loving family suffer?

For most people the question will be "Why?", "Why would a young person do this to themselves?". I have the unfortunate advantage of not asking myself that question. I understand completely. The human capacity to love is infinite, but our ability to endure pain cannot always compare. No amount of love or understanding can stop the torment that comes from within. My heart breaks for every person who suffers, who is tortured by their own brain chemistry. It takes too many people in their prime.

Most people don't want to talk about the "How?" of things either. They don't want to confront the end. For others, it offers a sense of reality. If you know how, you can know it is real, know that this isn't some cruel joke or a bad dream. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to know and there is nothing wrong with seeking the truth. The most important thing is to grieve and to be there for those around you.

The real question is "How do I move on? Where do I go from here?" With purpose is the answer. It takes an indescribable amount of strength, but with each new day, with each step, you move forward. It can motivate you to be a force for good in the world, to seek God, to better yourself. Find purpose in loving your family, in loving yourself.

Karl wanted people to celebrate life. It was the gift and the purpose he left to his friends and family. The young man we just lost would want us to seek faith and to be kind to each other. For me, I have been motivated to reach out at times and to always be open about what I have experienced. The most productive I can be now is to do just what I'm doing, sharing.

If you need help, don't hesitate to reach out to those around you. If you know me, give me a call. I'm always here. If you don't, please talk to someone. Reaching out is the first step. There are so many people out there willing to share your burden.

If you don't feel you can talk to friends or family, here is a great list of resources all over the country: http://www.suicide.org/suicide-hotlines.html

Reddit offers a place to talk online at http://www.reddit.com/r/suicidewatch